Escape to Fairytale Germany: Hotel Hirschen Awaits
Escape to Fairytale Germany: Hotel Hirschen Awaits – A Review That's Actually Real (and a Bit Messy)
Okay, so you're dreaming of a fairytale escape to Germany, huh? Me too! And the Hotel Hirschen in… well, somewhere in Germany (because that's what they're advertising!) promises exactly that. I just got back, and let me tell you, it’s… an experience. Buckle up, because this ain't your polished brochure review. This is the messy, unfiltered truth.
First Impressions (and a Bit about Accessibility, because, hello 2024!):
Finding the darn thing was a quest in itself. Google Maps led me on a scenic detour through a cow pasture. (Seriously, cows. You’ll see.) Once I finally arrived, the exterior was gorgeous. Think gingerbread house meets Bavarian charm. Think… the kind of place where you wouldn’t be surprised to see a gnome popping out for a quick errand.
Accessibility: This is where things get…complex. The website claimed to be accessible. And technically, they were. There's an elevator, and some rooms are described as "wheelchair accessible". But, and this is a big but, the path to the entry could pose challenges due to uneven cobblestones. Once inside, there appeared to be minimal or no challenges. I am not an accessibility expert, and this is an impression only. If you need truly guaranteed and robust accessibility, call ahead and probe for details. I wasn't fully disabled but I could see how it could be challenging. This is a place that tries, but doesn't necessarily succeed perfectly in all its accessibility aims.
The Room (or, My Little Bavarian Prison of Delight):
Right, lets get into it… I went with the "standard room" because I'm not made of money (sadly!). The Free Wi-Fi in all rooms! was a lifesaver because the reception, whilst polite, also seemed a little bit perplexed by basic requests. The room itself? Air conditioning, thank the heavens! Especially after that cow pasture excursion. A fluffy bathrobe and slippers were provided. The bed was huge and comfy. The blackout curtains were a godsend for sleeping off the jet lag. The bathroom was sparkling clean, with a good shower. The daily housekeeping was meticulous. There was a coffee/tea maker which I pretty much lived on. Free bottled water – always a plus! The mirror was strategically placed for optimal selfie opportunities, and the lighting was decent. The window opened, which was lovely for letting in fresh air, and there was a seating area for contemplating the meaning of life (or just which beer to order next).
- Pro Tip: My room faced the courtyard, and it was surprisingly quiet. But you can hear everything through the walls! So if you like your privacy… book a corner room.
Internet Access & Tech Stuff:
Wi-Fi [free] was a breeze to connect to and actually worked well. As a remote worker, this was crucial. Internet access - LAN was available, too, if you prefer a wired connection. They even offered Internet services, whatever that may involve.
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking (or, My Gut's German Adventure):
This is where the Hotel Hirschen really shines. Or at least, where things get interesting…
- Breakfast [buffet]: The Western breakfast was a solid start to the day. The spread was huge, with everything from cereals and pastries to cooked eggs and bacon, and sausage (loads of sausage). There was also a small selection of Asian breakfast options. It was good enough to stave off hunger.
- The Restaurant: The Restaurants offered A la carte in restaurant, Buffet in restaurant (for breakfast) Coffee/tea in restaurant. I didn't see any Vegetarian restaurant, which felt like a bit of a miss in this day and age and the International cuisine in restaurant (mostly German, tbh).
- The Bar: Happy Hour? You bet! And I spent a fair amount of time at the bar. They knew how to pour a good beer. The bartender was friendly and the drinks were reasonably priced. The Poolside bar was open during the day, which was perfect for sipping cocktails.
- The Snack Bar: was available for lighter fare.
The Spa & Relaxation Zone (or, My Blissful Descent into German Relaxation):
Oh, the spa. This is where the Hotel Hirschen truly earns its "escape" title.
- Pool with view - The swimming pool [outdoor] was beautiful, especially on a sunny day. The Pool with view was amazing. Just lounging in the water, looking out at the stunning mountain views… pure magic.
- Sauna: I tried the Spa/sauna! Don’t make my mistake: wear a swimsuit! I felt a bit silly walking in without one! The heat was intense, but in a good way. Amazing steamroom.
- Massage: My massage, let me tell you, was divine. The masseuse was a tiny German woman with the strength of ten oxen. She worked out knots I didn't even know I had! Seriously, book one. Right now.
Cleanliness and Safety (or, Did I catch anything?)
This is a BIG one, post-pandemic, right? I was cautiously optimistic. They do have Anti-viral cleaning products, of course. I noticed Daily disinfection in common areas. Staff were also observed to know the safety protocol. They also had Hand sanitizer in abundance in all the public spaces. The room was spotless, but the cleaning products had a weird… smell to it. But hey, safer than the plague, right? They also had First aid kit.
Services & Conveniences (or, The Little Things That Matter):
- Concierge: The concierge was super helpful with directions!
- Cash withdrawal: Good to know.
- Laundry service: Saved my life after a particularly messy spa day.
- Daily housekeeping: Meticulous - spotlessly clean.
- Smoking area: Yes, for those who may indulge.
- Elevator: Yes, which was handy with luggage and generally.
- Air conditioning in public area: Crucially important.
- Luggage storage: Very useful for pre- and post-checkouts.
- Car park [free of charge]: Huge bonus!
- Facilities for disabled guests: While claiming to be accessible, see above for more details.
- Front desk [24-hour]: Reassuring.
- Safety deposit boxes: Good for valuables.
For the Kids (or, If You Have Little Gnomes):
The hotel boasts Family/child friendly offerings. The Babysitting service is available – good for parents! I didn't see too many Kids facilities. And of course, there are Kids meal options to keep the little ones happy.
Getting Around (or, How to Escape the Cow Pasture Again):
- Car park [free of charge]: Awesome. You do need a car, unless you arrange some sort of transfer.
- Airport transfer: I didn't use it, but it's available.
- Taxi service: I didn't see taxis readily available.
Things to Do (or, Beyond Beer and Saunas):
This is where things felt a little light. The Hotel Hirschen is mostly about relaxation. The area does boast some hiking trails (I saw a leaflet), and there's a nearby, kitschy castle (I didn't go). But the main draw is the tranquil atmosphere itself.
The Quirks (or, The Little Things You Won't See in the Brochure):
- The staff. Bless their hearts. Some were super friendly and helpful! Some… less so. Expect a mixed bag.
- The decor. Think slightly dated, but charming. It had that slightly-faded-glory feel.
- The whole vibe. It’s… German. Not in the stuffy, formal way. But in a practical, honest, "we're here to serve you, but we're also going to relax and enjoy some beer" kind of way.
The Verdict: Should You Book? (or, My Honest Opinion)
Okay, here’s the bottom line: The Hotel Hirschen isn't perfect. It has its quirks. Its accessibility could be better. But for a relaxing escape, it really delivers.
My score: 4 stars (out of 5).
It is:
- Excellent for couples looking for a romantic getaway.
- Great if you just want to escape the daily grind and unwind.
- Good for families (but check about specific kid-friendly activities).
- **May not
Okay, buckle up, buttercups! Because this isn't your sanitized, bullet-pointed travel itinerary. This is a deep dive into the glorious, slightly chaotic, and utterly unpredictable adventure that will be my trip to Hotel Hirschen in Germany. Prepare for a mess. A love letter to the mess.
Hotel Hirschen Pilgrimage: A Love Affair (and Possible Disaster) in the Black Forest
Part 1: Pre-Departure Frenzy & Airport Shenanigans (AKA, "Where's My Passport?!")
Day -5 (The Panic Phase):
- Morning: Realization hits: I haven't packed. Not even thought about packing. My brain resembles a tangled ball of Christmas lights. Start a frantic Google search for "Black Forest packing list" because, honestly, I have no idea what kind of weather to expect. Raincoats? Hiking boots? Lederhosen (kidding…mostly).
- Afternoon: The passport hunt commences. This involves overturning the entire house, muttering darkly about "where the heck did that thing go?" Found it. In the junk drawer. Along with a rubber chicken. (Don't ask.) Success! Now, to book an airport transfer, can't trust the unreliable public transport.
- Evening: Attempt to create a spreadsheet. Fail miserably. End up staring at the blank screen, contemplating the existential meaning of "vacation." Order pizza instead. Priorities.
Day -1 (The Last-Minute Scramble):
- Morning: Packing! Or, more accurately, shoving things randomly into a suitcase. Realize I've overpacked. Immediately. Start removing things, then put them back in, then take them out… Rinse and repeat. End up with a suitcase that weighs a small car.
- Afternoon: Frantic purchase of travel adapters. Because, you know, electricity is important. Spend an embarrassing amount of time staring at said adapters, wondering if I'll figure out how to use them.
- Evening: Last-minute panic checks of everything. Did I lock the door? Did I turn off the oven? (Despite the fact that I haven't used the oven in weeks). Send frantic messages about the trip to the travel buddies.
- Airport Story: Nearly miss the flight because of a ridiculous security line. The person in front of me thinks it's appropriate to pack (and subsequently unpack) a jar of artisanal pickles. Sigh. Finally get through, panting, and stumble onto the plane just as they're closing the doors.
Part 2: Arrival in the Black Forest - And the Quest for the Perfect Schnitzel
Day 1 (The Black Forest Embrace):
- Morning: Land! The air smells… different. Fresh. Pine-y. Slightly of damp earth. (I like it.) The train is a bit cramped, a bit long, and filled with the occasional chatty local that will talk your ear off for hours. Take it all in.
- Afternoon: Arrive at Hotel Hirschen! Oh. My. God. The building is straight out of a fairytale. That is some seriously good old-world charm. Check-in is quick, the staff is kind, and the room… well, let’s just say it has a balcony that practically screams "drink wine and contemplate life."
- Evening: The quest for the legendary schnitzel officially begins. Explore the local area, and try several, each more delicious than the last. Hotel's restaurant? Superb! A local gasthaus? Divine! End the night with a glass (or two) of local Riesling. I was warned that this could happen.
Day 2 (Hiking, History & Maybe a Melt-Down):
- Morning: Attempt to hike. Note the word "attempt." The Black Forest is stunning, but my fitness level is more "couch potato" than "mountain goat." Struggle up a ridiculously steep hill. Swear a little. Admire the view. Repeat. (And promptly give up half-way through).
- Afternoon: Visit a local historical museum. Learn a lot about the region's history and culture. Get slightly overwhelmed by the amount of information. Have a moment of self-doubt questioning my life choices. Find a chocolate shop. All is well.
- Evening: Dinner at the hotel. Try the local Black Forest cake. Prepare for a sugar rush of epic proportions. It's a culinary masterpiece, a symphony of chocolate, cherries, and whipped cream. (I might have eaten two slices. Judge me, I dare you.)
Day 3 (Black Forest Exploration & The Great Spa Debacle):
- Morning: Decide to explore the surrounding villages. Driving through the winding roads is beautiful. Stop at a quaint little shop. Buy way too much chocolate.
- Afternoon: Hit the spa! (Okay, I thought I was hitting the spa.) Booked a massage. It's the epitome of relaxation… until I accidentally snore during the massage. The masseuse is incredibly professional. I am incredibly embarrassed.
- Evening: Reflect on the day. Decide that I'm going to spend more time in my room. The idea of just relaxing for a bit is exactly what I need.
Day 4 (The Day I Fell in Love with Cuckoo Clocks):
- Morning: The cuckoo clock shop hunt begins. A quest for the perfect clock. It's a mission. The stores are packed with clocks of all shapes and sizes. It's a sensory overload.
- Afternoon: Pick the the one. The one that sings to me. The perfect clock is found. I'm strangely overcome with a feeling of pure joy. (Is this what getting old is like?)
- Evening: Decide to spend the night at a fancy restaurant. Food, wine, and good company. It's perfection.
Day 5 (Farewell Feast & the Sadness of Leaving):
- Morning: One last delicious breakfast at the hotel. Ponder the meaning of life over a cup of perfect coffee. Pack. Again.
- Afternoon: Last hike. Enjoy the beauty one last time.
- Evening: Dinner, one last feast in the hotel. Say farewell to the wonderful staff. It's time to leave.
- Goodbye: Leave with a heart full of memories, a suitcase overflowing with souvenirs, and a slightly lighter wallet. Already planning my return
Part 3: The Aftermath (AKA, "Did That Really Happen?")
Post-Trip: Spend the next few weeks reliving the trip through photos, the occasional cuckoo clock song, and the lingering taste of schnitzel. Start planning the next adventure, because, let's be honest, this whole travel thing is addictive.
Final Thoughts: This trip wasn't perfect. There were moments of frustration, exhaustion, and utter chaos. But it was real. It was filled with laughter, wonder, and the pure, unadulterated joy of experiencing something new. And that, my friends, is what makes it all worthwhile. Now, where's that chocolate?
So, Hotel Hirschen. Is it ACTUALLY like a fairytale? Spill the tea.
Okay, real talk. Fairytales? Maybe a LITTLE. Think more “Grimm meets Wes Anderson” than “Disney princess frolicking with woodland creatures.” They definitely nail the *aesthetic*. Think gingerbread houses, cobbled streets, and a general air of… *oldness*. Like, you half expect a gremlin to pop out and try to sell you stale bread. The *ambiance* is killer, I’ll give them that. But fairytale perfection? Nah. Life (and hotels) rarely measure up to the idealized version in your head. More on that later, because, boy, did I have some *opinions*.
Is the building itself… legit? Like, ancient? Or is it just… good theming?
Oh, it's legit. *Ancient* ancient. Apparently, it's been around for centuries. I wandered around with my mouth agape for a good hour just staring at the beams, the frescoes, the *character*. You can practically feel the weight of history. You expect to hear the faint whispers of ghosts carrying on a conversation behind you. It's a history nerd's wet dream. However, this also means certain… *quirks*. Let's just say the elevator situation (more like a rickety box on a pulley system) gave me serious vertigo. There was an incident where I almost got stuck... let's move on.
Okay, the rooms. Tell me EVERYTHING. Were they charming? Clean? Did they have decent Wi-Fi? (Important.)
Alright, the rooms. Here's the deal: charming, yes. Clean… mostly. Wi-Fi? Prepare for a slow burn. The rooms themselves are… *charming*. Think floral wallpaper you wouldn’t typically see in any modern home, creaky floorboards that announce your every move (especially at 3 AM after a beer or two), and views that make you want to weep. The bathroom, however, was a different story. Small, like *really* small. And the shower? Let's just say I've seen bigger closets. The Wi-Fi, bless its digital soul, was a *struggle*. Uploading pictures? Forget about it. Checking emails? Plan for a long wait. It's part of the charm, I guess? No, I'm kidding. It's annoying. But then you look out the window, and suddenly the Wi-Fi seems like a small price to pay for the view. Honestly? The imperfectness of everything adds to the experience. I was ready to become a full-on hermit there, until I had to go back to the real world.
The food! The most important question. Did they have a good breakfast? That’s the make-or-break for me.
Breakfast. Oh, the breakfast. This is where things get *really* interesting. It's a traditional German spread, meaning: bread, cheese, cold cuts galore, some kind of sausage that I THINK was a bear (kidding… maybe). The bread was fresh, the coffee STRONG enough to raise the dead. The croissants? Flaky perfection. There were these little fruit tarts. I ate about a dozen. No regrets. The problem? The sheer volume. At first, it's all "Ooh, this is so charming and quaint!" By day three, you’re basically waddling around, feeling like you’d ingested an entire supermarket. But… it’s *good*. And again, the setting! Eating breakfast in a centuries-old dining room? It’s an experience.
What about the staff? Were they friendly? Helpful? Did they accidentally drop your suitcase at the bottom of a flight of stairs? (Asking for a friend… maybe.)
The staff… bless their hearts. They were, mostly, very friendly. Super helpful, always willing to try and decipher my horrible attempts at German. There was this one amazing woman at the front desk who seemed to know everything about everything. She was a gem. Seriously. I did have a minor… incident. Let's call it the "luggage situation." Let's just say my suitcase and the aforementioned rickety elevator did not get along. A helpful staff member was involved, and while my suitcase remained intact, the *memory* is permanently etched in my mind. I would describe their English as… functional. They are a little chaotic, but they really try their best.
What are the must-do things around the hotel? Beyond just *staying* there, duh.
Okay, listen up, because here's where it gets good. First, wander. Just wander. Get lost in the streets. The town is adorable. Seriously, *adorable*. Visit the local church. Climb the bell tower. Then, after you work up that appetite, eat ALL THE THINGS. German food is amazing. Pretzels, sausages, beer, cakes… I’m getting hungry just thinking about it. Definitely go for a hike in the surrounding area – the views are gorgeous. Also, don’t miss the wine. Lots of wine. And if you get a chance, visit the local Christmas shop, even if it's not Christmas, because, well… why not? I did. I bought an ornament. I had to. You’ll understand when you get there.
Okay, let's get real: what's the *biggest* downside? What thing almost ruined the experience? (Or at least, severely dampened your spirits?)
Right. Here we go. The biggest downside? Hmm. This is where I have to get super honest. It wasn’t the Wi-Fi, it wasn't even the shower. It was… *the price*. Look, it's a beautiful hotel. It oozes charm. But it's pricey. Like, really, really pricey. My bank account is still weeping. I get that you're paying for the experience, the history, the location. But… ouch. It definitely made me wince a few times when the credit card bill came. So be prepared for that. Budget accordingly. Or maybe just don't look at your bank account for a month. Whatever works.
Is it romantic? Would you recommend it for a romantic getaway?
Romantic? *Absolutely*. Picture this: crackling fireplace, snow falling softly outside (if you're lucky and go at the right time of the year), a bottle of wine, and… *sigh*. Yes. Do it. Just maybe don’t bring your partner in the shower with you. Unless they're *quite* small. But yes, absolutely recommend it. It's the perfect place to disconnect from the world and reconnect with your partner (or, let’s be honest, just yourself). As long as you don’t mind a little chaos and a hefty bill, you’ll have stories to tell for years to come.
